03 April 2025

Last night I got a message from Giovanni, inviting me to dinner on Friday for his birthday. Luciano, Tayla, the kids, and his mother will be there. I thanked him for the invite, but declined. I'd love to go, but really don't need to be in the company of his mother. So, I miss out, again.

I know it's my decision, but it is what it is.

This is causing me to have an internal struggle. My belief tells me to forgive. In my mind (and I hope my heart) I have, but that does not mean I have to keep company with those who have hurt me, and who I think are a bad influence on those close to me.

The boys have moved on, and accept the situation for what it is. I still feel at times that I am only included because it's the right thing to do. If so, that sucks. If I'm wrong, well, my loss I suppose.

I will get to see the grand children on Sunday. If he's home, I will go and see Giovanni as well. His mother would probably have left by then. And after that I will go past Luciano and Tayla, and have the chat with him about apologizing to Tara, and trying to repair their relationship.

I don't think he's going to agree to do that, but whatever, I'm not going to make it a discussion. I'm telling him what I expect, and if he agrees, good, if not, I'm saying my goodbye's and leaving. This will not be an opportunity for him to take me on again. Next time he tries that, I' leave for good.

The downside is that even if he agrees, I don't know how Tara will react. She's been hurt, and abandoned, and after her comment last Sunday about not wanting to be part of my family anymore, it might be too little too late.

Ultimately, I think all external players in this fiasco, apart from myself and my sister, have reacted poorly, made very bad decisions, and have brought this to a point where there is probably no possibility for a reconciliation. And that hurts.