Monday, 31 March 2025

This was a difficult weekend.

From Friday, and especially on Saturday, I was stressing because of the fact that I have not heard from Giovanni for 4 weeks. My heart was telling me to call / message him, but I didn't. I also knew his mother was visiting, so didn't want to just drive through to see him. Saturday was a long hard day. I also considered cancelling going to the Celebration lunch on Sunday, as I felt I wasn't going to fit in anyway. But I didn't, as I had told Luciano I would be there for him. Sometime Saturday he calls me to say it's a fancy restaurant, and I can't just wear a T-Shirt as I usually do. No problem I say, I'll wear a shirt. Kind of felt like the "step parent who needs to be included" again. 

Anyway, Come Sunday morning, and I ditch the customary jeans for a paid of Chino's, and don a beautiful blue pinstripes long sleeved shirt, and exchange the slops for a nice pair of leather black shoes. I look like I'm on my way to a wedding/ or funeral! Damn, but I clean up well!

I'm first the the venue, so get a seat at the bar and order my usual. About 15 minutes later, the prospective in-laws arrive. I have only met them once before, the day Luciano and Tayla moved in together, and that day I had long hair, was sweating like a stuck pig, and was covered in sawdust from modifying their headboard! Not a good first impression, but who cares!

This time round, I was looking proper! And felt good about it. We chatted a bit, then Luciano, Tayla, Giovanni and their mother arrived. A big hello, kiss and long hug from Giovanni says he missed me / isn't ignoring me / doing what's expected from him! Pick one - I'm going for missed me. A hello from Luciano, a long hug from Tayla. And nothing from their mother.

Now for a bit of background - since the divorce, I have made a point of it to be friendly to their mother. Whenever we have been at the same place (one of their houses for a function) I have always gone over and greeted her. I wanted to show my boys the right thing to do. But yesterday I thought, let's see if she comes to say hello, she did arrive after me after all.

Nothing - no surprise though. She obviously knows my opinion around their  decision to cut all ties with Giovanni's wife, and so I fall into the same category now. No problem, I look like a million bucks, she looks like shit! Go figure!

After the lunch, which ended late, Luciano, Tayla, and the boys mother had to ride with me as Giovanni had left earlier, and they had travelled together. As I was going in the right direction to visit my grandchildren and daughter-in-law, it was okay.

Arrived safe, said goodbye to Luciano and Tayla, and she couldn't even say thanks for the ride. No problem, I do what I do. Be the better person they said!

At Tara's house the kids were already bathed and ready for bed, but when Nonno arrives, all the rules get broken! So, they wanted something to snack on, we kicked ball around the yard a bit, Tara was not in a good space, and when I asked what's wrong she started to cry. This makes me so mad. Said she had not had a good day.

Chatting a bit later, she said that after what's been going on, she feels she can't be part of my family anymore. This stuck deep into my heart, but I told her I understand - and I do. Luciano and Tayla and her mother-in-law have had no contact with her since Tara and Giovanni separated. Basically, like their mothers family tend to do, they have picked sides, and only managed to fuck up more than was broken already. Because even though Tara was trying to work on reconciling, now she feels she shouldn't, as she does not want those people in her life anymore. Way to go - fucking morons! I have kept up my relationship with Tara, as she is my daughter, and the mother of my grandchildren. My sister has done the same. Why do these other morons think they better then her, or the right thing to do is to cut her off? Fuck, what are they going to do when Giovanni goes to Las Vegas in a few weeks time for 8 weeks? By rights, she doesn't  have to let her kids go anywhere, not the boys mother, not to Luciano, nothing. And that will drive a bigger wedge between them.

They think they clever. this shit is going to come back to bite them bad!

Today I sent a message to Luciano telling him we have to talk. I am again going to address this issue with him, and tell him I expect him to contact Tara, apologise for cutting her off, and see if he can restore some semblance of a family relationship. I expect he's going to push back and refuse, at which time I will have to make some serious decisions of my own with regards my relationship with my sons.

This is going to be a big storm for sure.

The new in-laws to be, Giovanni, and stuff

Got a message from Luciano today saying Tayla's dad is having an engagement lunch for them on Sunday 30th March, and I'm invited. Thought about it, and replied, sounds good, I'll be there, Thanks. It will also be only the second time I meet this guy, and my son is engaged to his daughter!

An hour or so later he called. We chatted about the rain, the sewerage running into the dam at Waterfall Estate, his job, their new puppy.

Then, he told me that his future father-in-law had also invited my ex. And he felt he needed to tell me as he understood that things are not too great right now.

On the basis that he did call to tell me, and not leave it to be a surprise, I told him I would be there, for him!

We also discussed Giovanni. And the fact that I haven't heard from him for 4 or 5 weeks. He said he's also struggling to get with him, so, seems he's very busy. Go figure.

It's been a while

It's been probably 4 or even 6 weeks since I spoke to Giovanni. He's not contacting me, and knows I don't make calls as I never know when he's available. So, looks like this is going south fast. And, as discussed with someone else somewhere else, how do you go back from this. I think he's always been more partial towards his mother, and no problem with that. But not keeping contact with me, not acceptable. This probably stems from when I told him I was done with him, and he's reading into it exactly that. Along with his regular contact with his mother, well, that's a recipe for disaster for our relationship for sure.

It would seem that because I am keeping a good relationship with Tara, I am now one of the outsiders.

So be it - time will tell.

Miss you so much Giovanni, but you make the calls, I just fit in with them........

Is it just me, or was this a hasty decision

So, Luciano and his lady went to the Kruger national park this last weekend. It was a surprise for him for his birthday (he turned 32 on Sunday 23 March).

Before he left, he called me:- "I don't know why I feel I have to tell you this, but I bought a ring, and am going to surprise her by proposing sometime this weekend!".

I don't know why I feel I have to tell you this....Well, maybe because I'm your father, and should know such stuff, and not get side blinded like the rest of the world! That's what I thought, didn't say it - I told him congrats........

So he did. And, of course, she said yes. So why this post about this event?

Well, although they moved in together last November, he hasn't l known her for am year yet. Yup, that's right, not 12 months. So, I think this is a bit premature. I know the romantics out there are going to say "When you know, you know", but.....

I do know that his lady was pushing to get married. This does worry me a bit. Why the hurry? It's not like she's getting close to the end of her breeding life, she's quite a few years younger than him. And, as his brother is currently going through a possible divorce, after 3 kids and 5 years, you would think he would want to be sure? 

Anyway, he's asked, and it's been answered. Now onto the planning for the wedding - lucky, all I need to do is turn up. Knowing this lady, it's going to be a big, grand, very expensive affair...... Lucky her daddy is well off, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Time will tell I suppose....

Status report - Where I am right now

Late last year Giovanni (my oldest son) informed me that him and Tara (his wife) were getting divorced. This came as a surprise to me. I had felt that things were not all okay, but put it down to financial struggles, and typical young married couple issues. Boy was I wrong.

One day I was visiting, and without warning, his mother turned up, and I wasn't impressed. I contacted Luciano (my other son) to see if I could go by his place, and was told "Sorry, I have Tayla's dad coming for lunch." So, no. At the same time I hear their mother telling my granddaughter that she's not staying for lunch, as she's been invited for lunch at Luciano's house!

Well, that was me, done! I said my goodbyes, and left.

Giovanni called me 6 times in succession, I ignored each call. On his 7th attempt, I took the call, and lambasted him.

I think all of the events had just built up too much, and he took the brunt of the outburst. I told him that I was done with him and his brother. While on this call, Luciano also tried to call me, so it was evident that Giovanni had called him to tell him I had left suddenly, and I wasn't taking his calls. I wasn't interested in their shit anymore, and called it a day! And I cut the call!

I also helped both Giovani and Tara move into their separate new homes, helped Luciano and Tayla move into their new joint home. I helped sort out / repair the flat where Tayla was living. Dad's always available to help.

But:-

The thing with this is as follows:- In December they had gone to Ballito for a few weeks with her dad. They were back for 4 days, and then off to Mauritius for 2 weeks, with her dad. No problem. During the 4 days home, they had time to visit her mom for lunch, but didn't have time to see me.

After they got back, all I got was a "Home safely Dad". Then nothing, till Wednesday evening, when I got a call to say "Dad, can you help me with the Volvo's breaks!"

So, You can't visit me, you can't call to chat and tell me how your island trip went, but you can call to ask for help with the car! Nice.

It's become the norm for me to visit my grandchildren every Sunday, and so I continued with this.

After helping them with their move into 2 separate homes, I continued to visit every Sunday, to see my grandchildren.

So after my outburst on the phone, Luciano and Tayla turn up for a visit, that evening. We didn't talk too much about the issues, as she wasn't feeling well, and he didn't want to get into it with me in front of her. He did say he would see me again on Tuesday, as he was coming through to a meeting nearby.

That visit I stunned him. He was trying to defend his brothers actions, and not winning with me. I let him go on for a while, then stunned him with "I am done with both of you, not just your brother"!

His expression told me that he had not heard that part from his brother. On asking why, I explained the "4 days home no visit" situation. He had an excuse for that- and I'll let it pass. He had no excuse for not calling me when they gat back from their island holiday. And as for the day I called and was told "Sorry, we have Tayla's dad coming", and his mother, he gave me a crap excuse that he had arranged it with his brother who was supposed to tell me but didn't and I left before he could. CRAP! If he had invited me, he would have said so in his response to my request. Didn't buy that one!

Since all of the above, I have "restored" my relationship with the boys.

On a Sunday, when visiting the little ones, I had a long talk to Tara. She's taking strain, and still believes that their marriage can be saved. I'm glad she wants to at least try and resolve their issues.

Also, I have heard conflicting stuff from her, my sister who has met with both Tara and Giovanni (individually) and Luciano.

One thing she mentioned was that since the separation, neither Luciano or Tayla have contacted her. In fact, neither has her mother-in-law. But the last one does not surprise me. It's in their family trait. I'll explain later.

Leaving there, I went by Luciano's house. At some point I asked them why they were not speaking to Tara. And shit got real. He jumper up all defensive, making statements, telling me what she's done, etc. Don't need to expand. I said I was disappointed, as said he was just like his mother, to which he raised his voice in her defense. Tayla said he shouldn't scream at his dad, he replied, "Don't worry, it's how we talk"! Wrong. We both do go from zero to moer strip in a split second, but not with me.

(Now I have given that "defense of this mother" much thought and have conclude that it might have been a very noble thing to defend his other, but a very stupid thing to do against me)!

I explained :-

When their girl cousin (on their mothers side) divorced her hubby (she had been cheating on him), her whole family cut him off, even though they share 2 children.

When their boy cousin (on their mothers side) divorced his wife (he had been cheating on her), her whole family cut her off, even though they share 2 children!

When their mother divorced me (she had been cheating for who knows how long), her whole family (except my mom-in-law) cut me off!

And now, he, Tayla and his mother are cutting Tar off!

So, the above is kind of a "where I am now" status report. More to follow.

 This page will be private for now

I'm thinking maybe posts about my feelings around my kids, my two sons, my daughter-in-law, my three grandchildren, and my soon-to-be daughter-in-law.

Stuff is happening that has left me in a strange space.

I'm not angry, maybe disappointed. I'm not being consulted. My silence is not being heard. 

I have changed some actions and activities, and not received any feedback on them.

Staring to feel like a step parent here, one who just has to be accommodated for the sake of  peace.

Maybe