Status report - Where I am right now

Late last year Giovanni (my oldest son) informed me that him and Tara (his wife) were getting divorced. This came as a surprise to me. I had felt that things were not all okay, but put it down to financial struggles, and typical young married couple issues. Boy was I wrong.

One day I was visiting, and without warning, his mother turned up, and I wasn't impressed. I contacted Luciano (my other son) to see if I could go by his place, and was told "Sorry, I have Tayla's dad coming for lunch." So, no. At the same time I hear their mother telling my granddaughter that she's not staying for lunch, as she's been invited for lunch at Luciano's house!

Well, that was me, done! I said my goodbyes, and left.

Giovanni called me 6 times in succession, I ignored each call. On his 7th attempt, I took the call, and lambasted him.

I think all of the events had just built up too much, and he took the brunt of the outburst. I told him that I was done with him and his brother. While on this call, Luciano also tried to call me, so it was evident that Giovanni had called him to tell him I had left suddenly, and I wasn't taking his calls. I wasn't interested in their shit anymore, and called it a day! And I cut the call!

I also helped both Giovani and Tara move into their separate new homes, helped Luciano and Tayla move into their new joint home. I helped sort out / repair the flat where Tayla was living. Dad's always available to help.

But:-

The thing with this is as follows:- In December they had gone to Ballito for a few weeks with her dad. They were back for 4 days, and then off to Mauritius for 2 weeks, with her dad. No problem. During the 4 days home, they had time to visit her mom for lunch, but didn't have time to see me.

After they got back, all I got was a "Home safely Dad". Then nothing, till Wednesday evening, when I got a call to say "Dad, can you help me with the Volvo's breaks!"

So, You can't visit me, you can't call to chat and tell me how your island trip went, but you can call to ask for help with the car! Nice.

It's become the norm for me to visit my grandchildren every Sunday, and so I continued with this.

After helping them with their move into 2 separate homes, I continued to visit every Sunday, to see my grandchildren.

So after my outburst on the phone, Luciano and Tayla turn up for a visit, that evening. We didn't talk too much about the issues, as she wasn't feeling well, and he didn't want to get into it with me in front of her. He did say he would see me again on Tuesday, as he was coming through to a meeting nearby.

That visit I stunned him. He was trying to defend his brothers actions, and not winning with me. I let him go on for a while, then stunned him with "I am done with both of you, not just your brother"!

His expression told me that he had not heard that part from his brother. On asking why, I explained the "4 days home no visit" situation. He had an excuse for that- and I'll let it pass. He had no excuse for not calling me when they gat back from their island holiday. And as for the day I called and was told "Sorry, we have Tayla's dad coming", and his mother, he gave me a crap excuse that he had arranged it with his brother who was supposed to tell me but didn't and I left before he could. CRAP! If he had invited me, he would have said so in his response to my request. Didn't buy that one!

Since all of the above, I have "restored" my relationship with the boys.

On a Sunday, when visiting the little ones, I had a long talk to Tara. She's taking strain, and still believes that their marriage can be saved. I'm glad she wants to at least try and resolve their issues.

Also, I have heard conflicting stuff from her, my sister who has met with both Tara and Giovanni (individually) and Luciano.

One thing she mentioned was that since the separation, neither Luciano or Tayla have contacted her. In fact, neither has her mother-in-law. But the last one does not surprise me. It's in their family trait. I'll explain later.

Leaving there, I went by Luciano's house. At some point I asked them why they were not speaking to Tara. And shit got real. He jumper up all defensive, making statements, telling me what she's done, etc. Don't need to expand. I said I was disappointed, as said he was just like his mother, to which he raised his voice in her defense. Tayla said he shouldn't scream at his dad, he replied, "Don't worry, it's how we talk"! Wrong. We both do go from zero to moer strip in a split second, but not with me.

(Now I have given that "defense of this mother" much thought and have conclude that it might have been a very noble thing to defend his other, but a very stupid thing to do against me)!

I explained :-

When their girl cousin (on their mothers side) divorced her hubby (she had been cheating on him), her whole family cut him off, even though they share 2 children.

When their boy cousin (on their mothers side) divorced his wife (he had been cheating on her), her whole family cut her off, even though they share 2 children!

When their mother divorced me (she had been cheating for who knows how long), her whole family (except my mom-in-law) cut me off!

And now, he, Tayla and his mother are cutting Tar off!

So, the above is kind of a "where I am now" status report. More to follow.